i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
