I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
