I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
