Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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