Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
