the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
