Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
