It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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