I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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