last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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