At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
