Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
