The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
