We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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