Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
