I just saw a hot homeless man
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
