I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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