i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No...this little piggys going to the bar
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
