does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
