I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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