Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
