The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
