I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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