My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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