bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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