no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
