There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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