i was born a porn star she said
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
