I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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