How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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