she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Bring me that man meat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
