I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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