4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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