I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
