Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
