if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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