I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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