before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
