I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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