I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
