Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
