Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
