he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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