Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
