If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
third nipple confirmed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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