but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
