I accidentally burped into my bong.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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