Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
