just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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