Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
