i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
