Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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