Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize