Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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