if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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