At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i've created a new STD.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize