On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
