She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
