I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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