wakey wakey hands off snakey
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
