Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"