His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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