My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
