She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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