Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
